The Myth of Hot Women in Sports

I implore any man to see a successful female athlete walking past them on the street to say that she is hot. The world of sports is suffering from the male applied disease of sports hot, or being hot just because you compete in a sporting event when you are clearly an average looking woman at best. Sports hot is a terrible disease that needs to be eradicated. Now on to the examples (Get ready to be bitch slapped with the truth):

Lindsey Vonn

Lindsey Vonn is moderately attractive, maybe a 7 at best. Typical Sports Hot Tard: But Falcon, she’s in SI looking hot in a bikini. Falcon: Any girl can take a picture that makes them look hot. For example, every fat chick has pictures on facebook that make her look infinitely better than in real life. How? The angle of the picture. Check out some of your fat chick friends on facebook if you don’t believe me. They all have a self portrait taken from a high, slightly off to the side angle that emphasizes the boobs and hides the four chins. If these simpletons can figure it out then I’m sure a pro photographer can too, hence my point that SI is just hiding Vonn’s larger body. Also, have you seen Vonn’s thighs? Individually they have to be the same size as Falcon’s waist, and Falcon aint exactly got a tiny waist.

Maria Sharapova

NOT HOT PEOPLE. Please, she has a screwed up face and a mannish body (look at the shoulders). She would CRUSH you in bed and trust me that is not a good thing. Can you imagine what she will look like when she quits tennis? I guarantee she balloons up to over 200lbs and you don’t want to be stuck with a 200 pounder. She is one tennis racket to the face away from being an Olympic hammer thrower.

The girls (whores, cough cough) from the beach volleyball team

Really, do you want to hook up with a chick who is ten feet tall? Or a chick who spends all day sweating in hot weather? They both have to stink. Enough said.

Danica Patrick

This part I’m stealing from a Daniel Tosh standup. “Really, she’s 4 foot tall and bow legged driving around in last place.” Also have you ever heard her talk? I would rather listen to a French person bash America than listen to her whiny ass (not really).

Anna Kournikova

Okay she’s hot but she has never won anything so she is exempt from the rules of sports hotness.

Finally, next time you are watching women compete, first assess your life because you are watching womens sports, and then think about it before you say they are hot because in all likelyhood they are not.

With the big dance coming up this month, make the right March Madness Picks. Check out the latest NCAA Tournament Projections to help you.